How not to clean a dirty DVD.

Saturday Night is often "movie night" for John and me.  I know it didn't get great reviews but I was really looking forward to "Secretariat."  I like Disney movies.  I like horses.  I like history.  I like strong female characters.  I like John Malkevich.  The perfect combination!  Except for...when the picture scrambled and became unwatchable at about an hour in.

Grrrr.  Just then, the phone ran.  Our son Charlie is pretty technical and offered the following solution:

• Smear a thin film of toothpaste or peanut butter (we used Crest) on the DVD.
• Put the DVD in the toilet and flush.
• And flush.  And flush.  And flush.
• And flush.

Supposedly the swirling water cleans the toothpaste/peanut butter off, leaving a pristine surface.  Maybe we used too much Crest but after 15 flushes, there was still residue on our DVD and I was feeling pretty guilty about the wasted water.  Then we realized how ridiculous we would look to anyone who walked into our bathroom and saw us watching the DVD bob around in the toilet bowl.  We fished it out and tried again but it still did not work.

John found the movie on pay-per-view so for five bucks we were able to watch the end.  Spoiler alert!  Secretariat wins the Triple Crown.

And Netflix sent me an apology.

	Dear Margaret, We're sorry to hear that Secretariat was unplayable. We go to great lengths to ensure the movies you get will play without any problems but occasionally a few get through our inspections, or are damaged in transit. Please return the unplayable disc and if you've requested a replacement, we will ship it out as soon as possible. We apologize for the inconvenience. -The Netflix Team

I wish they'd pay my pay-per-view charge.