Jimmy's 1993 ESPY speech reminds me of Bill Phillip

On the day that America grieves for Elizabeth Edwards, for her incredible grace under unthinkable stress and the pressure of knowing her husband cheated on her while she was battling an incurable disease, I can't help but remember my dear mother-in-law, Bernice Phillip.

We called her Bushy (pronunciation guide Booz-schee) because that's what my father-in-law Bill called her.  It was something they started in high school when they fell in love.  Bernice and Bill never fell out of love, not when she was first diagnosed with breast cancer in 1998, not when she suffered through radiation and chemo, not when he was suddenly and unexpectedly felled by a brain tumor.  We lost Bill in 2003, Bernice in 2005.  I hate cancer.  It took both John's parents from us way before we were ready.  And tonight, I realized while watching Jim Valvano's brave speech for what seems like the umpteenth time, that I should be thinking of Bernice but I can't stop thinking about Bill who has been gone for more than seven years.

Jeez, I miss him.  I went back through my files and found the eulogy that I read at his funeral on October 17, 2003:

We've come together today to celebrate the life of my father-in-law, Bill Phillip. Bill was a man who played many roles in our lives. For more than fifty years, Bernice Phillip knew him as her husband and best friend. John and Billy knew him as Dad and Maureen and I knew him as a wonderful father-in-law. Carly and Charlie knew him as Grandpa. 
Bob, Ken, Rita, Richie knew him as a Brother.Janet, Harvey, Sonny, Elaine, Lillian, Frank, Phyllis and Kathy knew him as a brother in law.
Connie, Rainey, Ed, Michael, Colleen, Jim, Barbara, Stacey, Joe. Debi, Terri, Laurie, Jessica and Jennifer knew him as Uncle Bill.
The rest of you knew him too. And you are better for it............But he was so much more. Yes, Bill Phillip was a husband, a father, a brother, an uncle and an in-law but that “in-law” word didn’t exist to him...we were all blood once we got into this family.
Bill was more than that.Bill was a friend, a craftsman, the breadwinner, a care giver, a woodsman and our patriarch. When I think of Carly and Charlie’s early childhood, there isn't a time that I can't remember them not being involved with their Grandparents. Grandpa was as much a part of their life as breathing is. His presence was essential to them, and even though we lived hundreds and sometimes thousands of miles away over the years, I don't feel as if our cord was ever cut.
We've kept in constant touch, and it was comforting to know that if we needed him, all we had to do was pick up a telephone. I especially cherish the memories of our camping and fishing trips. Chaz would throw the line in and pull out a tiny fish, and he always counted on Bill to take off the hook! For that matter, so did John!
I remember Charlie following him around constantly. And Bill followed Charlie around constantly too. What a wonderful relationship between a boy and his Grandpa. But Bill didn’t just hold his love for Chaz–he instantly accepted Carly as his granddaughter and made sure both kids had all the love he could give. He loved hearing about their various triumphs at school and on the soccer and softball fields.
Even John says that Bill’s name was passed on the right son. Billy and Maureen were so very special to him and one of the greatest blessings is knowing that he knew Maureen’s health is no longer an issue and they were going to soon move into their own home.I remember many happy days, just sitting with him and the rest of the family on the deck, telling stories and laughing over some of his antics from his early years, especially when he was courting Bernice.
By his very interaction with Bernice, and with his behavior towards her, he demonstrated to me what true love is. He absolutely adored her and everyone in this family knows it.Watching John’s parents together for the past seventeen years instilled in me some of the values I wanted in our family early on. To be able to mirror their marriage and devotion to each other would be one of the highest tributes we could pay to Bill.
Bill's haven was his garage. He spent a lot of time on his hobby, woodworking there...I recall the paintings of ducks he would show me and how he would always make carvings of ducks and other birds for every special person in his life.. I’m so thankful that my parents were able to meet Bill and Bernice when we lived outside of Boston–and my folks treasure hand carved gifts he sent them after. I’m sure all of you have Bill Phillip crafted treasures somewhere in your homes and I hope you realize the love and care that went into each one.
I hold dear what Bill was able to do with his hands, and while his physical being is not around, his spirit is left alive in the things he created. He truly had a gift and he shared it so well! Bill was a man of his generation. He was the man who provided for his family and who was a stalwart. A rock. That strength was passed along to Bernice, John and Bill as they made very difficult decisions this past week.
He was pretty decent with the cards too. I wish you could have heard us trash talking each other over gin rummy or cribbage. If he was here right now, I’d let him win just one hand. He was a guy who was known for his common sense, quick wit and practical approach to life. He was a man who taught love through actions, not words.
He would give a homeless person the shirt off his back and more than once, got into trouble with Bernice for giving money to strangers.There are so many funny stories to describe my father in law. He was strong willed to the extent of being stubborn if he needed to be. He felt that when he wanted something, nothing would stand in his way to get it. He was tenacious, and never gave up on anything that was important to him. He was committed and had the fortitude to stick to his commitments
I doubt that Bill had many regrets in this life - he lived a great life! He may have wished a time or two that he kept John’s baseball cards instead of the bowling trophies but hey...whaddya gonna do?
As we leave here today, we do so knowing that the love we have for Bill Phillip will not diminish in his death. We will always hold his love in our heart, and his memories in our minds. He was a one of a kind, and he will be sorely missed. Bill would not want us to be sad over his death, rather he’d want us to be joyful in our lives. So, today, as we say "good bye" to Bill Phillip, take a look around the hills and trees of Connecticut that he loved so much. Do you see the myriad of colors before you? Whether it is the feathers of the birds he loved to paint, the flowers he’d pick for Bernice, or the brilliant leaves on the trees in the woods where he loved to hunt... Look at those colors and know that we celebrate the life of Bill Phillip today a life lived with clarity and brilliance, a life that was led in full bloom.

As we approach the holidays, may I remind you to hold close the ones you love?  Rebuild broken relationships.  Tell somebody you care.  Make something.  Live.


Thanks.